2/22/2017

I leave the lights on.

The first time I saw her...

Everything in my head went quiet.

All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared.


When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments.
Even in bed, I’m thinking: Did I lock the doors? Yes.Did I wash my hands? Yes.Did I lock the doors? Yes.Did I wash my hands? Yes.
But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips..
Or the eyelash on her cheek—the eyelash on her cheek—the eyelash on her cheek.
I knew I had to talk to her.
I asked her out six times in thirty seconds.
She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going.
On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or fucking talking to her...
But she loved it.
She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday.
She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk.
When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times.
I’d always watch her mouth when she talked—when she talked—when she talked—when she talked when she talked; 
when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges.
At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off... 
And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off.
She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her.
Some mornings I’d start kissing her goodbye but she’d just leave cause I was just making her late for work...
When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking...
When she said she loved me her mouth was a straight line.
She told me that I was taking up too much of her time.
Last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place.
She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but...
How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touched her?
Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t.
I can’t – I can’t go out and find someone new because I always think of her.
Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin.
I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars...
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.
I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel..
How she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe.
How she blows out candles—blows out candles—blows out candles—blows out candles—blows out candles—blows out…
Now, I just think about who else is kissing her.

I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once — he doesn’t care if it’s perfect!

I want her back so bad...

I leave the door unlocked.

I leave the lights on.

Neil Hilborn

2/17/2017

Places to Visit in Oxford



Bodleian Library
The UK's second largest library, established in 1602 and containing over 11 million works.
Address: Broad St, Oxford OX1 3BG, UK

Pitt Rivers Museum
The Pitt Rivers Museum is a museum displaying the archaeological and anthropological collections of the University of Oxford in Oxford, England
Adress: Pitt Rivers Museum, S Parks Rd, Oxford OX1 3PP

University of Oxford Botanic Garden
Britain's oldest botanic garden, with plants from around the world, both indoor and outdoor.
Located in University of Oxford
Address: Rose Lane, Oxford OX1 4AZ, United Kingdom

Radcliffe Camera
18th-century, Palladian-style academic library and reading rooms, designed by James Gibbs.
Address: Radcliffe Sq, Oxford OX1, UK

University Church of St Mary the Virgin
Place of worship with an ornate 14th-century spire plus regular musical recitals and events.
Address: High St, Oxford OX1 4BJ, UK

Oxford Castle
Remains of a large medieval castle, with tours by costumed guides including the 900-year-old crypt.
Address: 44-46 Oxford Castle, Oxford OX1 1AY, England.

Sheldonian Theatre
A landmark, Wren-designed building hosting university classical concerts, lectures, and ceremonies. Address: Broad St, Oxford OX1 3AZ

Carfax, Oxford
Carfax is at the junction of St Aldate's, Cornmarket Street, Queen Street and the High Street in Oxford, England.

Modern Art Oxford
Cutting-edge exhibitions of international modern and contemporary visual art, plus an upbeat cafe.
Address: 30 Pembroke St, Oxford OX1 1BP, UK
Christ Church Cathedral, Oxford
Medieval Gothic and Romanesque cathedral serving Christ Church college and the local parish.
Address: St Aldate's, Oxford OX1 1DP, UK

Divinity School, Oxford
The Divinity School is a medieval building and room in the Perpendicular style in Oxford, England, part of the University of Oxford.
Address: The Divinity School, Oxford OX1

Tom Tower
Elegant 17th-century bell tower over the Tom Gate, the main entrance to Christ Church College. One of Harry Potter’s filming location. 
Address: Christ Church, St Aldate's, Oxford OX1 1DP

The Story Museum
The Story Museum is a museum based at Rochester House, Pembroke Street in Oxford, England, which celebrates, explores and promotes stories in various different mediums. It is a registered charity under English law.
Address: Rochester House, 42 Pembroke St, Oxford OX1 1BP, UK

Harcourt Arboretum
Trees including ancient redwoods and Japanese maples, rhododendrons and bluebell woods in 130 acres.
Address: Oxford Lodge, Peacock Gate, Oxford OX44 9PX, UK

Christ Church Picture Gallery & Dining Hall & Cathedral
A collection of over 200 paintings and 2,000 drawings covering mostly early European art. Dining hall in Harry Potter.
Address: Oriel Square, Oxford OX1 4EP, UK

The Headington Shark
The Headington Shark is a rooftop sculpture located at 2 New High Street, Headington, Oxford, England.
Address: 2 New High St, Oxford OX3 7AQ, UK

Port Meadow, Oxford
Unspoiled ancient meadow by the River Thames for walks, wild ponies, bird watching, and wildflowers.
Address: Walton Well Rd, Oxford OX2 6ED, UK

Folly Bridge
Folly Bridge is a stone bridge over the River Thames carrying the Abingdon Road south from the center of Oxford.
Address: Abingdon Rd, Oxford OX1 4JU, UK

Christ Church Meadow, Oxford

Expansive, college grasslands grazed on by Longhorn cattle and strolled on by couples and families. Address: Oxford OX1 1DP, UK

North Hinksey Conduit House
This roofed conduit house is a remarkable survival of Oxford's first piped water supply. Built during the early 17th century
Address: English Heritage, North Hinksey Conduit House, North Hinksey OX2 0NA